Some general points:
The responses above tend to under-estimate the reality of what it's like when an older family member actually requires assistance in living. It's often a case of that person being highly dependent on others for even simple things like going to the toilet, showering, dressing, cooking etc. There is also not uncommonly cognitive and behavioural issues that add another layer of complexity, vulnerability and distress. The dynamic between the parent and child then shifts, so the child has to assume a "parenting" role (and conversely, the parent has to reconcile becoming more dependent). This shift in the relationship is seismic in nature and often associated with a great deal of conflict and grief. There's also often not a lot of room to compromise. When someone needs care, they need care. It's a bit like arguing that you could compromise with a three year old child about the level of supervision and help you impose in day-to-day life: no amount of sensitive conversations changes the reality that they are not capable of being independent and safe by themselves.
It's important to understand this, because your responses should be framed in a way that tries to appreciate the perspective of each person in the situation. If you under-estimate the gravity of the situation, then you under-estimate and over-simplify your insight into what it's like for each person. Also, consider the cost and feasibility of some of the solutions you are proposing! The cost of private nurses is prohibitively expensive, for instance, and out of reach of most people.
Finally, with respect to Question 4: you guys really need to provide a less egocentric response here. I'm reading a lot about "me, me, me" and a suggestion that the onus and responsibility lies on the grandmother to adapt and accept you, but critically, no reciprocal consideration. Ultimately, if you provide a response that suggests little-to-no empathy or understanding for what it's like to be the conservative grandmother, and an assumption that your position is automatically justified (ie she must change in order to accept your ways), then this suggests a general lack of flexibility and ability to compromise on your part. Also, you need to also make room for the possibility that she might actually teach you something beneficial - her perspective isn't necessarily wrong.
The responses above tend to under-estimate the reality of what it's like when an older family member actually requires assistance in living. It's often a case of that person being highly dependent on others for even simple things like going to the toilet, showering, dressing, cooking etc. There is also not uncommonly cognitive and behavioural issues that add another layer of complexity, vulnerability and distress. The dynamic between the parent and child then shifts, so the child has to assume a "parenting" role (and conversely, the parent has to reconcile becoming more dependent). This shift in the relationship is seismic in nature and often associated with a great deal of conflict and grief. There's also often not a lot of room to compromise. When someone needs care, they need care. It's a bit like arguing that you could compromise with a three year old child about the level of supervision and help you impose in day-to-day life: no amount of sensitive conversations changes the reality that they are not capable of being independent and safe by themselves.
It's important to understand this, because your responses should be framed in a way that tries to appreciate the perspective of each person in the situation. If you under-estimate the gravity of the situation, then you under-estimate and over-simplify your insight into what it's like for each person. Also, consider the cost and feasibility of some of the solutions you are proposing! The cost of private nurses is prohibitively expensive, for instance, and out of reach of most people.
Finally, with respect to Question 4: you guys really need to provide a less egocentric response here. I'm reading a lot about "me, me, me" and a suggestion that the onus and responsibility lies on the grandmother to adapt and accept you, but critically, no reciprocal consideration. Ultimately, if you provide a response that suggests little-to-no empathy or understanding for what it's like to be the conservative grandmother, and an assumption that your position is automatically justified (ie she must change in order to accept your ways), then this suggests a general lack of flexibility and ability to compromise on your part. Also, you need to also make room for the possibility that she might actually teach you something beneficial - her perspective isn't necessarily wrong.
Last edited: