Disclaimer: Second time interviewing, not successful yet, take my advice with a grain of salt
A third year medical student posts negative remarks about a consultant at the hospital on a private group on Facebook. Is this okay? Does it matter that the group was private? What should have the student done?
Making negative remarks about any individual is not okay, as this can hurt feelings and damage relationships and perceptions. Social media makes it easy for people to hide behind screens and vent out frustrations without fully considering the impact these remarks will have on others, and this can encourage a sense of ease surrounding the making of these remarks. Although the group being private means that the remarks were not seen by an extended range of people, this does not negate the fact the remarks were made public and were negatively aimed at an individual. This can encourage the spread of rumours and gossip, which can have a adverse effect on both the consultant and the hospital’s reputation. Furthermore, if majority of the group were medical students who are active within the hospital and know the consultant, these remarks can damage their perception and relationship with the consultant, which could potentially impact their learning with the consultant and foster an uncomfortable environment. The student should have instead reflected on what concerns they had with the consultant, and then communicated these concerns directly with the consultant in a respectful and tactful way if the concerns were valid and could act as criticism. In this way, their relationship can benefit from the open communication, and each individual can understand the other’s point of view and learn from the experience.
Placing your position statement "...not okay", signposting your answer with "Although", "Furthermore", and "instead", and adjective buzzwords such as "relationship", "learning", "reflect", and "respectful" make this an excellent response on its own as it's logical to follow. Exploring multiple alternate possibilities and showing how they arrive back at the same conclusion makes this an outstanding response, as you validate your argument and show the ability to think laterally. I especially love how you talked about the importance of open and tactful communication in a working relationship, and making sure all perspectives are understood. Spot on response - wouldn't have done anything differently.
You are close friends with a Joan (a mother of five children) whose husband is an entrepreneur who is always travelling. You meet Joan for coffee one day and you notice she is quite withdrawn and upset. Her 18 month old infant has recently been admitted into hospital for measles and is currently in a stable condition. She tells you that she was so busy at home, that she forgot to get him vaccinated. She feels extremely guilty and blames herself for her oversight.
1. What would you suggest to her as a friend?
2. Your friend asks you not to tell her husband. However, the husband suspects something and has called you. What do you say?
3. Your friend’s husband finds out what has happened and he becomes verbally abusive. Their relationship becomes strained. Your friend is asking for your advice.
1. I would first reassure Joan and reiterate that her son is now in a stable condition. However, this is quite a severe error which could have led to much worse scenarios for her son’s health, especially as an infant who is more vulnerable to disease due to an underdeveloped immune system. I would comfort Joan, as we all make mistakes, but emphasis to her the importance of acknowledging and correcting them. I would gently talk through the factors leading up to the situation –as she says she was so busy at home and thus forgot to vaccinate, I would explore methods on how to manage workload and remember to prioritise her children’s health. This could be as simple as writing to-do lists; the aim is to address her mistake and ensure that this oversight does not happen again. Her busyness at home can also suggest a need for assistance; as she is a mother of five and her husband is often not at home, it is understandable that she can get overwhelmed. As such, I would offer my assistance as a friend to help out when needed and be there for emotional aid. I would also encourage Joan to check her son’s medical records and history to ensure that all other vaccinations are up to date and that there were no oversights in the past. This goes for her four other children; I would suggest that she ensure all children have received the necessary vaccinations for their health.
2. I would break the trust between us if I tell her husband when she has specifically asked me not to. I understand his concern, as they are his children too, but I need to respect my friend’s wishes here and ideally not be involved as this is a family issue. However, a lack of communication can be a factor in increasing unhealthy tension in a relationship, and as such as I would encourage the two to talk together about the issue. If needed, my role would simply be as a mediator; I would try to minimise my involvement as this is really between Joan and her husband.
3. Verbal abuse should not be condoned in any circumstance, and this can be a pre-warning to escalating domestic violence. I understand that the husband would reasonably be upset with the situation, but there are a number of healthy ways he could’ve addressed the issue, such as talking with Joan on how to avoid this happening again in the future. I would encourage Joan to try and initiate a peaceful conversation with her husband, but as he has become verbally abusive this may not be possible. Verbal abuse can take a significant toll on someone’s mental health, so I would also make sure that Joan is not suffering mentally and if so, recommend talking to a therapist individually. I would also suggest couple counselling or therapy to delve into the issues in the family dynamic and try to address the husband’s abusive behaviour before it escalates into extreme verbal and physical abuse. Victims of domestic violence are often reluctant to speak up due to things such as fear or shame, and I would emphasise to Joan that in no situation this abuse can be condoned, and that it is paramount to stop the abuse and either salvage the relationship, or possibly leave the toxic relationship. I would also remind Joan of the numerous hotlines and organisations available for victims of domestic violence, such as 1800 Respect and White Ribbon to ensure that she knows of the help available to her.
1. Again, an excellent response, but what makes it excellent is that you've picked up the nuance in the prompt that her husband isn't at home hosten. While you've mentioned that it's understandable that she can get overwhelmed, I would have personally made it a point to validate her feelings, but you've covered the 'emotional' part of the response adequately.
2. IMO, you've covered how to respond (quite nicely, and acknowledging your role in the conflict is excellent), but not what you would say. My ideal response to this would provide an example sentence that you would say, such as "I'm unsure as to what happened, but you should talk to Joan to find out.", while acknowledging that the situation is ethically difficult + your role in the situation, but a white lie that may lead to them making steps towards a resolution is better than telling the husband which breaks the trust, saying that you don't know anything which is a 'worse' lie and may make him more angry when he finds out + break trust with both parties, or hanging up on him which technically resolves the issue of having to say anything but is suspicious and would probably lead to him probing further.
I'm curious to hear what people have to say on this one. It's a tough situation where you have to draw the line about what's an ethical response and what isn't, or perhaps I'm overinterpreting it.
3. Good response that covers a. verbal abuse not ok, b. looks at the husband's perspective but explains why it still isn't ok to be verbally abusive, c. the psychological consequences of verbal abuse within a relationship and reasons why victims don't leave, d. resources for seeking help, showing you understand this issue which is prevalent in many communities.
You do acknowledge that it may not be possible to initiate a productive conversation with the husband, but from my limited knowledge it would probably be better to take more decisive action and help Joan
and her children seek refuge ASAP, when it is safe and possible to do so, and assist her to your best ability. Victims of abusive relationships often find it hard to recognise the symptoms of being in one and leave the relationship due to gaslighting, manipulation, and other such factors. It is impossible to know whether the abuse will escalate and result in harm to either Joan, the children, or both. I would personally put the focus on making sure she is safe.
The onus is not on Joan to try and fix the relationship - the husband is responsible for his behaviour. In a healthy relationship, the husband would have recognised that the problem is not entirely of Joan's making, but that he also shares responsibility for not carrying some of the household's workload, and made action towards correcting this - working as a team, not sparring from two distant viewpoints.
Again, please take my advice with a huge grain of salt. I'd love to hear other advice too as the questions are quite complicated!