Hey guys, sorry this is a really long post, but I'm in a bit of a dilemma right now and feel I need some opinions. Thanks so much in advance for your time and thoughts.
I'm sorry to say this, but this isn't going to be a very happy post. I graduated Year 12 in 2019, in NSW. Admittedly I didn't have the easiest year: a series of really heartbreaking and demoralising events in my family, friends and relationships happened one after the other in late year 11; I subsequently started struggling to keep up with the pace of the curriculum, and then certain teachers and parents kept making hurtful remarks when I tried to ask for their help. By the start of 2019, it felt like basically everything I valued was falling apart, and all my friends and mentors who would have support me either deserted me or hurt me instead, and the whole year felt like a massive struggle uphill alone from there. There were so many moments when I felt absolutely helpless and burnt-out, but I knew I really wanted to pursue medicine which I saw a truly admirable, heroic, fascinating and rewarding discipline, and so I just kept pushing myself to take one more step at a time forwards trying to attain the required results. After what felt like a whole year of painstakingly climbing uphill out of the pit, with so many setbacks and getting stuck along the way, I finally emerged with an ATAR of 99.15, which honestly I'm pretty proud of considering the circumstances. It took a serious toll on me though, I had to put many extra-curriculars and hobbies on hold, and it left me so exhausted that even now I don't feel like I've fully recovered. However, the offer rounds came and went and possibly due to my relatively low UCAT score in the 87th percentile and my ATAR not being high enough to make up for it, not a single university invited me to an interview - it was as though I had never applied at all.
Now, for some additional context, I've always been a pretty passionate musician; I've studied violin for 12 years, and I do really enjoy it and find it's a great relaxing way to balance my academic studies. There are also plenty of careers that come out of this discipline: most musicians choose a balance of performing and teaching, and maybe doing some time in an orchestra as well. I have an elderly neighbour who did all those in his career, and even now in his retirement he plays duets with his partner and his friends everyday, which honestly sounds like a pretty enviable life. I did for some time ask myself whether I should forget medicine and pursue this much simpler happy life, but I figured as someone who's always been really geeky about sciences, being a full time musician would leave that part of my brain a little understimulated. And of course studying medicine doesn't forfeit my ability to still enjoy music as a side hobby. And though a medical career may mean a much longer education process and strenuous working hours, I've always clung on to this heroic image of doctors putting in that extended effort to help vulnerable people out of that situation, and what an honour it would be to work hard and deliver that service to humanity. This is also why I was reluctant to choose a degree like medical sciences as a bridging course instead - medical science is itself a difficult course where the students are competitive, many of whom only narrowly missed out on entry into Medicine. To my understanding, only the top chunk of the already competitive cohort (like top 25% from what I've heard?) succesfully make the bridge across into Medicine, and I'm afraid that if I can't make that cut, I'll be spending my career making nutrition labels or sitting in on health planning committees, which though isn't dreadful also isn't really what I bargained for when I said I wanted to be a doctor, and honestly I think given that potential outcome, I'd regret not just taking music professionally instead.
After weighing up my options, therefore, I chose start a music degree this year at the Conservatorium (which required a 70.0 ATAR +auditions), and perhaps resit the UCAT to try for non-standard entry. The first few weeks at music school have been pretty great, but three things are kinda bothering me and so I thought I'd ask your thoughts and advice on them:
- It's really starting to sink in that all the hard work I put myself through in Year 12 might have been for nothing, I could have taken it easy and made significantly less sacrifices to my wellbeing, and still ended up in the same degree, possibly even better off than I am now as I would have had more time for music practice instead. What also really sucks is that a classmate of mine got an ATAR just 0.3 higher than mine and earned a scholarship to this music degree, whereas I got nothing. Furthermore, most universities that offer non-standard entry into medicine, to my understanding, only use the ATAR as a threshold, so does this really mean my ATAR will become virtually useless if I continue this degree?
- I doubt my grades at music school will ever match my 99+ ATAR no matter how hard I try. I'm less of a standout musician among other musicians, than I was a standout student among other Year 12s. I can probably make it into the top 30% of this music cohort, but at this stage I can't guarantee anything more outstanding than that. I don't know what GPA that corresponds to, but will taking up this music degree spell the end for my hopes of ever becoming a medical doctor? If not, which unis would be my best hope?I'm also aware that the outbreak of Covid-19 is preventing current Year 12s from going to school and sitting regular exams, and may even result in the cancellation of the UCAT. Could this change how 2021 undergraduate Med programs manage their admissions or even result in a cancellation of the 2021 offer round? I'm just conscious that the longer I spend at uni, the more my GPA will be factored in over my ATAR, which, as I explained will probably significantly lower my competitiveness.
- Of course I still really want to do medicine for the reasons I outlined earlier, as any rejected hopeful would feel, but part of my brain is screaming at me that trying to pursue medicine was the worst decision I have ever made, and that to try again would be to stupidly risk another round of disappointment, stress and pointless sacrifices. Thoughts?
Anyway, thanks so much if you've taken the time to read all this, I really appreciate your help. Sorry for dumping in so much information, and sorry if I sound poorly worded or desperate, but if I need to defer my music degree and take a gap year to better my chances of entry, that decision needs to come fast as census date is approaching. Thanks again for your time and opinions, and please stay safe amid the whole pandemic crisis.