Hey guys, I don't know if this is the right place to ask this but I am really struggling after surfing around this website when offers are out today. It made me question what exactly I have been doing for this whole year and even, my life. I have always lived on academic validation as it is the only thing I am good at. However, after my experience at fy biomed at uoa, I have become increasingly depressed and kept having thoughts of giving up. Medicine is what I have always aimed for with a clear goal and I have always tried to do my best but after covid hit last year everything went downhill for me (in terms of studying and mental health). I have consulted my parents on this, but everytime I express my concerns, they said that I was overthinking and should only focus on the present (which was studying). This made me become more distant to my family as I felt that they don't understand me anymore and would only brush off whatever concerns I have in my life e.g. burntout as excuses (which frankly, is and I recognise that). I also don't have friends that sympathise with me, or do I actually have friends?
Today, my parents continue to pester me whether I know anyone who got offers, whether offers from otago are out and if I know anyone who got offers into med. I have not done well at all this year, only securing a 7.5 gpa so I did not receive a med interview invite. As their child, I dutifully went on different social media platforms I know, including this forum as well. If I am completely honest, it made me feel worst about myself (which is true, I did nothing right, never made the right decisions thus suffered the pain of regret). Don't get me wrong though, I am very happy for everyone that has worked hard to achieve those distinctive gpas (esp the grads, you guys must be very proud), but I am very angry at myself for finding excuses and not getting good grades when someone else around the same age as me can do it. I don't know how to cope, and have been living like a dead fish ever since I have done my interview (for other programmes). I am pretty sure every other graduate has been in the same place as I am right now, so I hope you guys can offer me some suggestions and try to save me from adding another statistic to the overwhelming zuicide rates in NZ.
~am I just being dramatic?
Hey friend.
First of all, I want to tell you that you are not being dramatic. Not even in the slightest. Everything you are feeling right now is understandable, and it is real.
Second of all, I want to tell you that you are important. You are not, and never will be just another statistic. I lost my best friend to s*icide last year, and it was not just another statistic for us - for my town, for my family, for his family, for all of us. Every single young man or woman who commits s*icide in New Zealand is more than a statistic - they are a human, with life, purpose, and meaning. I hate the narrative that is drilled into us that we are just statistics... Because we are all, each and every one of us, so much more than that. My best friend is so more more than a number, some stupid f*cking statistic on a piece of paper. He is a brother, a friend, a son. Not a day goes by where I don't think of him, a day where I don't wish I could wrap my arms around him and tell him that I love him with everything in my heart.
smolshypotato, I don't even know you, but I wish I could do the same thing for you. I wish I could hug you and tell you that it's going to be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it just yet. I'm in tears writing this message because I have been where you are - not with medicine, but with feeling hopeless, lost, and ready to just join the never-ending list of lost Kiwis.
I'm heartbroken to hear that you have been brushed off and pressured by those who are supposed to love and protect you. While I can't speak on behalf of anyone in your life, this forum is a safe space where you are welcome, loved, and accepted for who you are. There are people here who don't even do medicine (
cough cough me - nor do I ever plan to enter medicine), but I have felt so supported and loved by this community, especially over on the Discord server - please do join, I'm always up for a chat and some banter, and as a fellow Kiwi, I'm in the same timezone as you.
As for actual suggestions... I'm always so weary giving suggestions on such a serious topic, even though it's something I have a lot of experience with... Having been hospitalised for s*icide myself and losing my aforementioned friend. However, I will tell you what helped me. Do with it what you will - feel free to ignore any, or all of my advice.
Finding my spirituality gave me a sense of purpose when I felt there was none left. I'm Christian, and while Christianity is NOT for everyone, it saved me. One of my close friends is Pagan - that saved her. Another friend doesn't believe in any sort of Gods, but believes in the power and timing of the universe. Spirituality is a unique experience that I think can benefit everyone... And it doesn't have to come in a cookie cutter religion like the world might expect it to.
Reaching out is always the best thing to do. To anyone. It might not be to the people you would expect to reach out to. A new friend, a stranger online, a professor who you particularly connected with. Us humans strive for connection, closeness and understanding. It often comes from the most unexpected places.
Professional help. I know, I know. Please don't roll your eyes at me - reaching out for professional help f*cking sucks. I hated it. I put it off for years, until I was forcefully admitted after an attempt back in 2019. But sometimes, it's necessary. I'm sure you already know the resources to find help by now, but if not, please let me know and I can point you in the right direction.
Take care of yourself. Please. If not for yourself, then for me, a stranger on the internet who will spend the rest of the weekend thinking about you and wishing you the best. There is more to life than medicine. There is more to life than university. You have so many decades ahead of excitement and fulfilment.
One year is just that:
One bad year.
One year out of eighty, ninety, even one hundred. You are nowhere near unlocking your full potential and happiness yet. The best is yet to come. And I am so excited for you to find that.
I know you are capable of accomplishing great things. Things you have no idea you will accomplish yet. Sometimes, the greatest achievements come in the most unexpected forms.
All my love to you.